I just upped my Tinder game.

I just upped my Tinder game.

— 6 months ago
#tinder  #lol  #maria owens 
EVERYBODY THINKS I’M ON DRUGS

I haven’t written anything in awhile. Months, actually. 

It’s probably because I have spent the last few months chronically checking the fern selection at Michael’s Craft Store.

Or trying to win the Lay’s Do Us A Flavor sweepstakes.

image

While this has been going on, everyone has grown concerned that I am on drugs.

I don’t know why, but it could be because just last week I told someone that my soul spoke to me and told me I was going to win.

Or because I always have red eyes from chronic eye infections.

Or maybe it’s because I believe ghosts rule this earth through a parallel universe.

Either way, I’m not on drugs. I’m too afraid to do drugs.

But ghosts are real.

And soup would be an amazing chip flavor.

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— 6 months ago with 1 note
#maria owens  #lol  #humor  #ghost  #Ghost Tours  #dousaflavor  #lays 

My roommate Maressa claims she saw a ghost in our apartment.

This is her attempt at getting on the show Psychic Kids: Children of the Paranormal.

— 7 months ago with 1 note
#maria owens  #lol  #ghosts  #haunted chicago  #psychic  #psychic kids 
This is a business card I found at a party. You can contact Terence at www.Facebook.com

This is a business card I found at a party. You can contact Terence at www.Facebook.com

— 8 months ago
#maria owens  #lol 

I’m the middle child of nine. I am a product of Middle Child Syndrome. Give me all of your attention.

— 9 months ago with 1 note
#middle child syndrome  #huffingtonpost  #middle child pictures 

This guy is so good at hair.

— 10 months ago
#maria owens  #hair loss  #lol 

My dad sent me this in the mail. He’s a man of few words. 

— 10 months ago with 2 notes
#maria owens  #lol  #dad  #funny dad 

HI DAD

Me:Hello?
Dad:........
Me:Hello??
Dad:..........This is your father.
Me:Hi!
Dad:How's your health?
Me:Good?
Dad:Researchers have changed the recommended amounts of daily Vitamin D.
Me:Haha, okay, so...
Dad:So? So you need to think about how you're going to get that amount for the day!
*Hangs up*
— 11 months ago
#maria owens  #lol 
Appearing in this photo (Left to right): Triceratops, my forehead, me

Appearing in this photo (Left to right): Triceratops, my forehead, me

— 11 months ago
#maria owens  #lol 
I’M LEARNING A WHOLE BUNCH OF THINGS: LIFE LESSONS

Recently I’ve been noticing the correlation between my attire and the respect I receive from strangers.

For example, people in Germany don’t respect you when you show your midriff on a Third Reich tour - even if you can confidently shout out the date of Hitler’s suicide. 

Or if you’re at the dentist and not wearing a bra.

Life lessons.

— 11 months ago
#maria owens  #lol  #humor  #germany  #third reich  #dentist